You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize