The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Last time i carry you out of a forest
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
