you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
