Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
