3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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