he thought i was a dude.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
