I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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