Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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