you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
