its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
