how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
