dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
