you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize