I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
