are you still at the devil's house?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
