You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
