Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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