I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
