Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize