Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Randomize
