i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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