I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize