I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
