Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
