either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
