I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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