I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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