i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
