dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
