i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
