I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
