I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
