separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
