Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
