They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
