I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
