I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this just has baby written all over it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize