??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
