My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
