I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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