i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she peed on how many people?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
