Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
