You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
