If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
