i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
