soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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