So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize