When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
