I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
