I want to have your abortion
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
