look no pants
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My liver just had a heart attack.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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