I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The beer is more important than you right now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
