I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
