My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
