Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need water and some morals
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
