at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
