i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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