Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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