he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
