A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
