it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
