dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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