we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
