she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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