i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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