so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
is it fun? or sober?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
