Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
did you just send me my own nude
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
