well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize