Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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